Category: Thoughts

It is easy to get trapped by stories we tell ourselves.

When we’re 18 (or even younger), many of us tell ourselves a story of what we will become when we “grow up”.

We choose then to become doctors, lawyers, accountants, and whatever else.

Or maybe it’s the story of becoming an actor, musician, or writer.

The first group often spends up till their late 20s or early 30s to feel like they have ‘arrived’. But just as many feel trapped. Realizing that they should have looked further. Aimed differently. Told themselves a different story.

Or they try to bury it through workaholic tendencies. Or buying fancy toys to fill the void.

The second group often try to make their story work. And find that no one wants to listen to the story. The struggling artist trope comes to mind. So they wish to change the story of the world. Or erase their story and manipulate it into being someone they’re not.

Maybe there’s a third way. A place where we look at what’s in front of us. Where we ask ourselves a fresh question instead: What if I didn’t have to finish this story? What if I could start a new book instead?

We are the authors of our lives. We can begin a new story any day.

That’s the story I want to tell my daughter.

What stories do you tell yourselves? Do they help or hinder you?

“I don’t have it in me to do this myself,” she said to me.

She was the heiress to a global cosmetics empire based out of Asia.

It was my first trip to Switzerland. I was taking in the stunning view of the Alps at the campus of the Symposium. I was having breakfast on the patio at the venue.

Global leaders had come to discuss the future of work. All the sessions were interesting.

But it was this conversation I had over breakfast that I remember the most after all these years.

She was vibrant and full of energy. She was deeply interested in my story and gave me her full attention.

I did not catch on who she was until we were well into the conversation. She told me her life story, growing up with the weight and expectations that comes with being an heiress.

She told me about the responsibilities of her role. What it was like to be groomed from a young age to take on this role.

“I honestly just pray and ask a higher power to guide me through these tough decisions. I really, truly, don’t have it in me to do this myself. And so far, it’s been working.”

That honesty was disarming.

Maybe it’s because we live in North America where these deeper philosophical or spiritual matters are brushed underneath.

Where people aren’t this open about something so personal to them.

But we have to accept that great leaders do more than just rely on their logic or intuition to guide them.

There is an element of surrender. There is an element of trusting a higher power. There is prayer. There is faith.

We pretend so hard that these things don’t matter.

I’ve worked with some people who are so driven by logic that working with them becomes unbearable. I’ve seen these people have low empathy, low consciousness, and low respect for their team members. Not always, but often enough.

They leave behind a trail of people who can’t wait to leave the door.

But there are others who have a deep inner life. Filled with a deeper yearning and surrender to the mysteries of life.

These leaders and their businesses are a class apart.

I wonder what would happen if we became a lot more open about this dimension of life at work.

We would probably make more holistic decisions, see ourselves and each other differently…and go home and sleep a bit more soundly.

It’s a universal law that the more I help someone else, the more I end up helping myself. Thus the phrase, “In the joy of others, lies your own.”

I was fairly stuck on a business challenge for the last few weeks. I was spending countless hours reading up on ways to deal with it. I had even experimented with ways to get past it.

But nothing was working.

I decided I needed a different approach to things.

Enter the law of karma.

You reap what you sow.

I reached out to a friend who was feeling stuck on a completely different aspect of his life. He was spinning his wheels for a while on something.

I entered the conversation with a desire to catch up and then find any way to help him.

Just listening to him and asking him a few questions helped him get unstuck. I don’t think I did anything too substantial.

The very next day, I was rewarded with an introduction to an industry titan by someone else entirely. This person easily gave me the idea I needed to break through.

We don’t often see the threads of life and how they interact with one another.

We don’t see the seeds we plant in one place sprout elsewhere.

But it always does. And faith in this idea has been helping me give more unconditionally.

I once worked with an attorney at a big law firm who was an amazing, fascinating person. We kept pushing him to share his insights and ideas on here. And he kept resisting, pushing away. Even in the safety of a group that was cheering him on.

We keep waiting for someone to give us permission to create.

We are living in an age of transformation. Jobs, degrees, careers, are all up in flux.

The social contract between employers and employees is breaking down. And yet, we keep clinging to these old markers of comfort.

That’s why I show up and make these posts. It is my small act of creativity.

Sure I am also working with clients, building projects, and doing other things. But showing up and writing this short post in a few minutes daily helps me asset my independence.

It helps me find my own voice. Articulate my thoughts. Clarify my head. All in the hopes that it helps someone else as well.

We think another degree, another certification will keep us “safe”.

But I am realizing that the safety zone and the comfort zone are going to be in two different arenas.

I’m starting to see that safety belongs to those who will give themselves permission to create.

Can you create something today? Even if it is small? And share it with someone?

Recently, I met a bunch of grads out of high school going into college. This was an Indian-American group of teens, so high expectations come part and parcel with this group.

I should know. Almost two decades ago, I was part of this group.

I saw almost every one being exceptional in exactly the same way.

I saw the honor roll society accolades. Principal’s awards. The high SAT and ACT scores. The plethora of the same extracurricular clubs. DECA, Model UN, etc.

The president of this-and-that.

All heading off into the same directions. Pre-med. Commerce programs. Engineering.

In other words, I saw this grads acting exactly like me and my peers from 2007.

But the world is so dramatically different today.

The industrial era is coming to an end. Our work no longer has linear paths. They didn’t even back then, but we didn’t know any better.

Doctors tell me about the lack of control they feel as private equity takes over their practices and clinics. When they feel like their “customer” is the insurance company they’re dealing with, not their actual patient.

Lawyers tell me how unceremoniously they are dumped from their big law jobs where they thought they were safe.

And engineers. Well, the tech world has upended almost every norm about how things should work.

What do I even say about those going into the business fields of white collar work?

Almost every group telling me that they wish they’d looked at more options. Expanded their vision a bit more. Before committing to a path that an 18 year old decided on (and more likely a 15 year old).

Despite this completely shifting world, these grads hold on. They hold on to the dream of becoming doctors, engineers, lawyers, accountants and management consultants.

Nothing wrong with any of these jobs. Except I wonder how their path will unfold for them.

I wish I could go back into the past and prepare myself differently.

I wish I could tell these grads to take some time off before going to college. I wish I could tell them to actually see what other things you can learn to do right now that can expand your worldview.

That what actually matters is creativity as much as left-brained logic, plans, and linear thinking.

That initiative and vision matters. And that mindless compliance won’t get you where you want to go.

After a lifetime of becoming excellent test-takers, they have become excellent at fitting the mold.

I wish I could tell them these things because I have been this person. And I wish I could tell them they can do things differently.

I hope and pray the best for them. They are all hardworking extraordinary people. They are honest and sincere. They are optimistic and starry eyed.

I want the world for them. I just hope they figure out the silent new rule book sooner rather than later.