In these times of great anxiety, we need something to ground ourselves, give us hope in our ability to get through this. Our relationships are the greatest source of resilience and strength.

The man came to see the woman, a long lost lover.

He came from the town into the big city, without much money. Withering away in his small town, as the local businesses slowly and painfully died.

He had held on to what little opportunity he could find in his town, until he couldn’t. Until the debts piled up, and the opportunities dried up.

He wanted to see her again. And hope that he could find a fresh start again. Fix his life again. He came with what little he had left in his wallet and a briefcase.

He called on the woman in the big city, arriving unannounced.

Taken aback, but glad to see him again, the woman let him in.

They stood awkwardly at the front porch, a dash of unsaid things running through both their minds.

But soon they went inside and started talking. First the usual small talk, until it wasn’t.

It looks like it will rain. Yes, so-and-so is still doing that. No, I haven’t gotten married yet, but congratulations to you! No, I’m just visiting.

They talked and reminsced about the past. The minutes turned into hours as memories of the past came flooding back.

The skies shattered and heavy droplets of rain drowned the city. Even though it was midday, it became dark.

She was married now and lived well, he thought.

He felt ashamed to ask for what he wanted. Her love, a chance to start again.

The doorbell rang, and the man decided to leave.

It must be her husband. I’m a huge fool to even be here.

“No, stay,” said the woman.

The door was left unanswered.

They spoke some more. Until there was nothing left to say, except of course that which actually mattered.

What if I had showed up then?

What if I had said that to you?

What if life had played out just slightly differently? What if we had loved more deeply? What if we had said what was on our minds, our hearts?

She asked to leave for just a few minutes to go buy some food from around the corner. The man was hesitant to stay any longer, but agreed on her insistence. She borrowed his raincoat and dashed off.

A few minutes later, the door bell rang.

The man opened the door, surprised to hear her come back so soon.

But instead, there was an old man standing in the door way.

Is the woman in? I am the landlord. They have not paid their rent for yet another month.

And it all started making sense to the man.

What seemed like luxury suddenly looked different. He saw the damp walls, the empty pantry, the unlit and unheated room.

The landlord left, disappointed at not meeting the tenants of the home.

Soon, the woman came back, breathless from the rain.

They ate in silence.

He thanked her for helping him relive shared memories, and told her that he must be getting on. And with that, he left.

As he made his way back to the train station, disappointed by the turn of luck, he reached into his raincoat, and pulled out a beautiful pendant that came with a note.

I read the letter in your pocket that laid you off. I did not know you had lost your job and you came here with nothing. Here is something to help you get by.

And as she cleaned up the scant meal she had served her guest, she saw a small stack of bills underneath the cushion.

He had left what little he had, save the fare he needed to go back to the town.

I hope this can help you keep your home.

Both the man and the woman gave, and gave deeply.

That was the gift that only love can provide.

…

In times of uncertainty, when our own mortality becomes abundantly clear, the only thing that can ground us is love.

There is a lot of panic right now. Panic for our health, the economy, our livelihoods, our families.

Life can seem out of our control.

But in times like this, the only thing we can rely on is not our bank account, although that is necessary. It is not our businesses and jobs, because they can turn for the worse at any time.

It is love.

The crisis we face today reminds us to latch onto the things that matter. The things we forget, the people we take for granted, the gifts we have received over our lifetime that we have ignored in the pursuit of more. They can never be taken from us.

It is hard to do this sometimes. I believe it is often because we do not feel we have done enough to prove that we are worthy of it all. So we must do more, achieve more, impress more. But none of that gets us there.

The only pre-requisite to be grounded in our relationships is to accept the gift of love that we have received and freely give others from the same bottomless well.

The crisis is an opportunity to become grounded in the unchanging things of our lives.

Love in the Time of Corona is the cure to our anxieties, our worries, our panic.

…

In my last post (The President and The Monk), I wrote about Pramukh Swami Maharaj, the Hindu guru who became the “ultimate teacher” in the life of Abdul Kalam, the Muslim President of India.

Later on in Abdul Kalam’s book, I read a quote by Pramukh Swami that resonates deeply with me.

He said, “In the joy of others lies our own.”

And I think to myself, what an apt expression to guide us through trying times (or even not so trying times).

He not only said this, but lived it his entire life. He himself visited hundreds of thousands of homes, guiding families on how to resolve conflicts and bring people together. He answered close to a million letters from people with questions about their families, their businesses, their worries and anxieties about health, and of course deep spiritual problems.

Perhaps that is why when people met him, they couldn’t help but feel completely at ease. Why he felt at ease no matter what the situation was.

When he was diagnosed with a severe blockage in his heart, he acted with complete equanimity. This was not a stoic coldness, a metallic indifference to the world and the body. It was a deep inner spring of joy that always bubbled. That is true equanimity, he taught.

As a leader, when there was major difficulties that threatened the very core of his position and his organization, he took it in stride. Those who closely observed him noticed that he remained light and unaffected as ever.

I hope to write more about lessons from Pramukh Swami Maharaj’s life and what I’m learning reading Transcendence, the final book by Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam in the coming months.

Today of all days, as anxiety, fear, and panic overwhelms us, we must dig a bit deeper to give the gift of gratitude, of love, and of hope. More than ever, we need the lessons that Pramukh Swami taught Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.

…

Update from my life: My wife and I will be moving to Houston this summer. At the same time, I have decided to go deep into healthcare as the sector to build my career. Many of you who know me well know how passionate I’ve been about health from my days of going vegan. I’ve recommended books, documentaries, etc to many of you. I’ve also done some writing, and had volunteered for many years for NYTimes Best Selling author Dr. Michael Greger and his organization NutritionFacts.org.

I now want to go deeply into it. I’ve decided to start a weekly publication to share the things I’m learning about the healthcare world and use that as a marker of credibility to get work in that field. You can follow my journey here as a complete novice below:

And of course, if you feel like this resonates with you and you can think of others who would be good additions to our tribe, do share this with them.

Aside: Special thanks to O. Henry’s short story The Gift of Magi and Rituparno Ghosh’s film Raincoat for inspiring the short story above.

How are you feeling?

I believe in building a tribe. And a great tribe helps each other out. We check in with each other. How are you feeling during these times? What are you doing to keep yourself buoyant, hopeful? Do share below! It matters!

Cutting through the clutter of indecision is the most energizing feeling you can create for yourself everyday. I want to show you how to create this clarity on demand.

If you’re leading the rudder of your life, or if you’re leading other people , feeling clear about what you’re doing and what you’re being is the most important work you can do. It is the juice that powers all decisions you make.

Here’s the thing: it’s hard to do this. There are more options on what to do then ever before. There are competing priorities. There’s a new bestseller book telling you to zag when you want to zig. And then that new podcast you heard last night is telling you something else entirely.

Our minds our completely overrun with thoughts. Our hearts are being trampled by a million feelings, priorities, guilt, and panic. No wonder it is hard to know what to do. Especially if you’re a leader.

In my work, I have to consistently create clarity both for myself and my clients. I am often placed in unknown situations where I have little knowledge about the organization, the different leaders within it, and various moving pieces within it. Not to mention limited industry knowledge.

Just this morning, I struggled through an important life decision. I had an answer at the end of 20 minutes.

Unfortunately, we often push away these decisions that have been keeping us stuck. And then, in a moment of panic, we decide haphazardly.

Other times, we are extremely intellectual and reasoned. Sometimes, the decisions we make in this state don’t always stick with us in the long run. It is hard to sustain such a state when we take action on this decision.

So what’s the alternative? Let’s first try to understand what creating clarity should NOT sound like.

3 Misconceptions About Creating Clarity

1. “I just need to think more clearly”
   
   Clarity is a whole-body shift in your state. This means any exercise or activity that gives you clarity should involve your whole self. It shouldn’t be just an intellectual exercise. This means you must engage not just your mind and thoughts, but also your feelings, and your gut.
   
2. “I just need to get smarter.”
   
   There is a large group of people now getting better at critical thinking, understanding logical fallacies, and absorbing mental models. I believe these are all enormously useful tools.
   
   But as a leader, your work touches people–other human beings. This means involving your gut is equally important. You cannot blame people for the situation you are trying to find clarity for (in accordance with Principle #2 in my guide The Principles of Organizational Breakthroughs: A Practical Guide for Leaders).
   
3. “It has to feel easy.”
   
   Clarity does not mean easy. The situation can still be complex and difficult, but you should feel like a big blockage of energy has just been unblocked.

What Clarity Feels Like

Having clarity should feel like a major anchor being cut out. Your boat should have more buoyancy. Of course if the waters you are navigating in your life are turbulent, clarity can be terrifying when you are confronted with what you have to deal with.

But that level of clarity is also calming when all your analysis-paralysis dies away. Now you are free to act.

Aside: I work with organizations to do this in a structured and systematic way about larger problems. See here on how I can help your organization.

How to Create Clarity

I find that creating clarity really is a function of introspection. Introspection can be a hard topic to fathom because people think it’s about meditation (which is enormously helpful of course).

You cannot introspect if your internal state is agitated either. You cannot think clearly if your emotions are all over the place. This is when we make terrible decisions.

Instead, we can try to run both tracks in parallel and see what clarity emerges from it.

Here’s how it works:

1. Take a sheet of paper. Yes, paper and pen please (or pencil). Not a computer.
2. Start writing. Anything and everything that comes into your mind. Even the side priorities (especially the side priorities). Write down the dialogue that is happening when your mind is saying one thing and then another and then something contrary yet again. Just free-write without any censorship.
3. Keep writing. Do it until you “get it.” On average, it took me writing 2-3 pages before I could process the decision in front of me. Now it takes me on average 1 page.

This applies to writers as well as non-writers. Writing is a way to process your feelings, emotions, as well as your thoughts.

The clarity you get from this exercise will stick with you and allow you to decide and follow through with confidence.

Why it Works

Your internal chaos soup needs acknowledgement. Letting the soup bubble inside of you is counter-productive. It tends to overflow and cause a mess.

When you write without censoring yourself, even little single thought, feeling, and expression that comes into your mind about something, you will find that a lot of the tension going out of you.

It will also force a lot of thoughts that are buried deeper, which often already contain the insight you are looking for to emerge.

This is also the primary tool that thousands of artists use to get creative on demand. What is being creative if not creating clarity or insight on demand about a situation (whether it be a canvas, a blank sheet, or a stage)? It is based on Julia Cameron’s excellent book The Artist’s Way.

Don’t take me for my word. Try it.

How do you create Clarity?

What are your most important habits, rituals, or tools to help you get clarity about your priorities? About cutting through the stuck feeling in making decisions? Have you tried the free-writing exercise above? How did it go?

Let me know what you think below.

When doing work that matters, in risking something of yourself, a voice stirs inside of you. Some call it the Lizard Brain, some call it the resistance, and there are many other things you can call it.

You can call it the enemy. It comes at you with teeth flashing, ready to attack you. What do you at times like that? You feel that you must resist it. You feel like you must fight it in order to address it, in order to make it go away.

But this is its plan all along.

Start a venture, the beast comes to attack you. “This cannot be done. You will fail and lose everything.”

Express your interest in someone you like. “This person will reject you. You will never get her/him/the role you want.” Also the beast.

Publish something, create something, and put it out there. “No one will want this. You’re wasting your time. Stop dreaming.”

The beast will come and attack you, and want to fight you. It will make you believe that the only way to counter its voice, is to fight it.

Not so. Fighting it is what it wants. When you even touch this beast, its teeth bite into you and makes you rabid. You believe you’re fighting this beast, but actually you’re letting it control you.

Instead, stop fighting the beast. You will at first believe that if you stop fighting it, it will win. It will own you. But that is already happening right now.

Stop fighting it. You will notice that it will have nothing to attack then. It will pass right through you. You will see that you are much bigger than it. You will see that the beast was toothless all along. You will then be able to move on.

Instead of making a career, health, or any other external resolution in 2019, consider making a resolution in changing how you think.

Over the last few months, I’ve taken on more projects, work, and just stuff to do. On top of that there’s taking time for relationships, and staying healthy (both mentally and physically). I’ve searched for ways to organize my life my effectively.

Enter The Bullet Journal.

This is an paper based way of organizing my life that has made a huge difference in just how much more effective I am. It’s also made me a lot more deliberate in spending time on things that matter.

Check it out for yourself:

On top of this, I’ve been deeply affected by the work of Brian Tracy, who recommends writing out your big goals every day. For weeks, I’ve been repeatedly writing out the same goals. This too has had a big difference in the kind of progress I’ve made in my life.

While this external growth has been great, there’s still a gnawing at the back of my mind and gut about what to do for 2019. There’s still a feel of inadequacy, a feeling of incompleteness, incompetence, unworthiness.

I’d been searching for ways to tackle this. And after much reading, I wanted to share a powerful Resolution of Thinking I’ve taken on.

This is not about “positive thinking” which is just putting layers of fakehood on our real vulnerabilities.

Instead, this is about entering your mind and visualizing yourself as someone who competently and confidently lives the way your best self would. This is mental rehearsal of being the kind of person you want to be.

This is not necessarily about external goals. It is deliberately internal.

How would your best self wake up? How would they be in social situations? How would they work? How would they handle a crisis? How would they work? How would they eat? Move? What kinds of habits would they have?

There is a lot of research that shows that this kind of mental practice does amazing things in increasing our self-esteem, self-efficacy. It changes our self-image for the better so we feel worthy and capable of handling the big audacious goals we have (or even the simpler things). This is based on the work by Dr. Maxwell Maltz who wrote the book on how to change your self-image. See more here.

Our mind is not able to tell the difference between what’s happening in reality and what we picture in our minds. That is why this is the kind of progressive exercise that can help us change ourselves from the inside out.

Change your thinking, change your life. In this new year, resolve to change how you think about yourself. Visualize your ideal self in detail daily. See yourself slowly becoming this person.